utila
Central America, Information, Travel

How To: Break Into a Utilian House Like a Pro

Shaun
Creative Commons by Johnny Grim on flickr

Disclaimer: These steps should not be followed unless you have received permission from the homeowner (in this case, Talon from 1 Dad 1 Kid while in Utila, Honduras) to gain entry to the premises by any means necessary. It is also written assuming you have no tools (just like MacGyver or Chuck Norris [err scratch that… Chuck Norris would just roundhouse-kick the door down]). Additionally, it may be a good idea to exhaust other options first, such as contacting the land lord or other people who may have spare keys.

Step 1: Locate an accessible window in which the glass slats are open (angled)


Step 2: Sidle over to the window, avoiding the lagoon runoff. Falling into this water may have dire consequences, such as: smelling like lagoon, being pinched by one of those crabs with the one giant claw and the one little claw, or smelling like lagoon while being pinched by one of those crabs with the one giant claw and one little claw.

Utila
Step 3: Remove enough of the window slats to cram assist the smallest nearby person through. You may also need to remove the screen and curtains (if applicable).

Utila
Step 4: Put the microwave in the sink. Sometimes it may block entry through the window, other times it’s just fun.

Utila
Step 5: Lift the tiny person and turn him sideways as you guide him through the window. Please note, this part is quite dangerous and should only be attempted by very good looking, strong people.


Step 6: Sit back, relax, and profit. Once the door has been unlocked, you can reassemble the window. That is, unless you find yourself locked out of your house frequently. Although, if this is the case, I recommend selling or damaging anything worth stealing and just removing your front door.

Published by Shaun

This gamer actually heads outside every now and then. Shaun enjoys "short" walks on the beach (pasty skin), helping build large art projects (is a member of the Austin Design and Fabrication Team for the regional burn community), board sports, and anything X-TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!

36 thoughts on “How To: Break Into a Utilian House Like a Pro”

  4. Scene: Me falling into the lagoon runoff. With fist raised she yelled “Oh DAM IT ! I just got pinched by the one giant claw one small claw crab AND I smell like lagoon!!!!! ”

    P.S. I love how the crab has a tiny party hat.I mean…how FREAKIN cute is that?!

  6. Even the funny crab got a hat! i love it! “should only be attempted by very good looking, strong people.”

  9. wow this is indescribably awesome. Smelling like lagoon and getting pinched by a grab would be a nightmare!!! So funny. NIcely done Shaun.

  14. @ Talon – Couldn’t have done it without you. I’m so glad we got locked out of your house. <3

  15. @ Laura – We made due with what we had. Luckily Talon was strong enough and pretty enough for the both of us.

  18. @ Phil – This is true. I’m pretty sure smelling like lagoon and being pinched by crabs is a torture technique used by Satan himself, though this claim is unsubstantiated.

  28. @ Jasmine – I was considering making a How To: Avoid Ex-Pats in San Miguel post too… 😛

  31. @ Stephanie – Yeah, taking a light-hearted approach to things like getting locked out of your house goes a long way. 🙂

  34. @ Raymond – Heh. If you purchase this guide, we’ll not only double your order but also throw in not 4, not 5, not 10, but 473 party hats!!! Now that’s a deal you can’t say no to.

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