Yes. I’m cliché. I love to use the start of the year as an opportunity to jump start my year (I also like to use clichés.). I’m one of those annoying people that lives and breathes by goals, milestones, and New Years resolutions. So I’m taking the opportunity to light a fire under my ass. I’m using this opportunity to see how I can continue to add to this lovely blog that changed my life so much back in 2010 – and to be honest, it is the first time in a long time that I’ve considered writing in this medium. Besides the fact that our short attention spans have lead to long-form writing being dead (Oh, the controversy!), my brain is just starting to feel that recognizable tick of warm creative fuzzies after having my own personal meltdown a few years back. If you’re not personally familiar with Anxiety (Capital A!), just know that it is probably the worst experience I’ve had to go through. It debilitated my mind, my creativity, and my ability to function in any social situation.
I had reached critical mass, rock bottom. I did not read. I did not write. I did not create. I did not engage in social media. I did not go out with friends. I did not talk with family. I essentially became a hermit, trying to deal with everything scary outside of my house. All I could think about was how disappointing I would be if I did engage. I had gone from a social butterfly, to having an anxiety attack when my phone rang. I had an incredibly ballsy (Or, should we say ovary-sy?) and loving friend who told me I needed help. While we aren’t as close as we used to be, I’m not sure she realizes how much that statement changed my life.
I was bitter. And angry. Bitter AND Angry (Capital A!)! I felt like I had no control over the world around me, and as someone who routinely was made to move as a kid, I have this weird thing with stability… but that is another conversation altogether.
The last 2.5 years have been particularly life changing. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which came with Fatty Liver Disease, Sleep Apnea, Insomnia, and Pre-Diabetes. I was the heaviest I had ever been (as working out and eating right were not working due to hormones) and have since lost 50 pounds with eating right and working out. I have had a Career Coach, a Therapist (Two, actually.), and a Psychiatrist (Sounds like the beginning of a joke…) and was diagnosed with pretty severe Anxiety. This lead to me FINALLY being diagnosed with ADHD, and with that Auditory Processing Disorder (APD).
[Better living through chemistry!]
It was a wonder in and of itself that I made it through that. I had no idea that I was running at such a deficit. All I knew is that I was unable to meet goals and expectations that other people so easily did.
I think I’ve gotten to all the layers now – and I feel like the best me that I’ve ever been.
The point of the convoluted and tangential explanation above is to say that after all the work I’ve been doing, my spark is starting to come back. My synesthesia is showing up again. I’m thinking in color, I am writing, and I’m coming up with ideas for our next art project. I’m painting my gorgeous house, and for the first time in a very long time, I want to photograph things. I missed it beyond measure.
I am in the process of backing up a lot of my photos to Dropbox (2013 alone had ~10,000 photos) and with them came a flood of memories and so many feels! So I’m taking this opportunity to bring my attention back to my #1 lady, Photography. I’m looking through my old photos and making version 2.0 – this time with more experience and maturity – with a new lens, you can say (Ha! See what I did there?)… captioned with a bit of flair.
A subtle approach
Renews a dear memory.
Keep your eyes open!
