It came out of nowhere and bit me like a 24 hour stomach bug. Last night I had a raging case of the DOUBTS. Nothing serious. I’m okay. It all passed beautifully.
But we all go through it.
Everything was fine when I got home from work. I went to the gym (we’re starting endurance training for the backpacking trip), made dinner, did my 365 days photography project, and started getting ready for bed. It was then that I realized that I wasn’t falling asleep, but rather staring at the ceiling fan with an overall sense of dread. It crept up from the bottom of my stomach to my heart.
What are we DOING?!
It finally popped up. I was ready to go, leave my job, quit everything, say goodbye to my family and head to South America care free and completely in it. Why did I start questioning things now? We’re not even leaving for another 7 months or so.
I have to say that one of the things that I have been working on as an adult to develop myself is doing things that are completely out of my comfort zone. If I want to grow and learn, I am really going to have to push myself both mentally an physically. Here are a few things I will be working on during our sabbatical:
1.) Leaving Everything Behind
- When traveling abroad for a few weeks, it is always nice to have your home to come home to. You return to over-excited pets and dead plants that your roommate forgot to water. Its that snuggling feeling of your clean sheets that makes you really realize you missed your home. I have been so accustomed to having this luxury that it hurts my heart that everything will have changed when we get back.
Lesson to Learn: Things change and I need to really loosen up and go with the flow of life’s changes.
- I would love to say I am spontaneous, but I’m not. I need every moment of my life planned out, goals, dreams, schedules etc. I don’t know how people can make plans at the last moment. This is definitely something I need to work on.
Lesson to Learn: Stop being so controlling of your life and do something new, exciting, and unplanned.
3.) Being Lost
- This is one of my worst fears. If I have mini freak-outs for being lost in my own city, I can imagine that backpacking will be interesting. I tried to work on this in Toledo, Spain (most people tell you to just wander around), but it’s a relatively small place and you can always find your way out.
Lesson to Learn: You can have amazing experiences by getting “lost”. You’ll find your way back eventually.
4.) Being Shy
- Some people don’t believe me, but hubby and I are very shy people. We are gamers that generally keep to ourselves. Our weekends are usually spent together either at home, or going out… together. One of the things that I regret the most is not making new friends while we were in London. I’m sure we had a million chances, but our anxiety was keeping us back. This is the one I’m trying to take hold of the most. Not only have we been getting involved with the local Couchsurfing Community (and introducing ourselves to complete strangers), but I also became a referee for the Texas Rollerderby Girls. I have to stand in an arena and call penalties in front of hundreds of people.
Lesson to Learn: You will miss out on awesome opportunities if you keep to yourself.
While it was a fleeting fear and I ended up falling asleep an hour later or so, I realized that even though I felt queasy about making such a change in my life, I am ready to take the challenge head on. I really feel as though Shaun and I need this experience and will do it come Hell or high water.
Have you ever had a case of the doubts? What did you do to conquer it?